Sounds like...
Submitted by Nate on 2002-09-29 01:15:29, Sunday
In reply to Help with dealing with a yf's embellishing problem submitted by Reason Filled on 2002-09-28 14:37:55, Saturday
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...an insecurity problem. Obviously, who he is in real life has never been good enough to win him the affection that he needs - so he adds to it. With WT, I had the same issue. I dealt with it on two fronts. First, I emphasized again and again how very important integrity is to me, and how I need to be able to trust the people that I open up to. Secondly, I did my best to love him unconditionally, and to make sure that he felt that love - to meet his need in a positive way. It was new to him and confusing sometimes. Still, it was such a habit for WT that I often had to ask him outright to please stop making stories for me. I didn't confront the lie - it was more like, "It makes me feel sad when you do that." He was able to accept that without needing to defend himself. One thing that was important for WT was a deal that we made early on. I told him that he didn't HAVE to tell me the truth, but please don't lie to me. You see, there were lots of things in his life that he couldn't talk about. Not yet, anyway. It took a long time, but eventually he learned that it was OK to just be quiet and BE together, without the need for the constant smokescreen that he used with everybody else. Getting that out of the way allowed us to relate much better. Nate |
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