For Drifter: Inner Turmoil
Submitted by J on 2002-10-30 03:01:23, Wednesday
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I wish I could spend more time here but unfortunately it just doesn't work out that way very often... You asked me a question last week about whether I'm in inner turmoil, this question based upon a discussion you were having with Reason Filled. There seemed to be an underlying assumption about that inner turmoil being linked to being actively gay - an issue I would like to clarify before proceeding. I do not consider myself gay - to me gay is being sexually attracted to an adult member of the one's own gender and I have zero attraction to men or even teenage boys. I'm exclusively BL with an AOA of 5 to 12, prepubertal boys only. Obviously, I'm not actively BL in the sense of engaging in any sort of sexual relationship with a boy even though I believe there is nothing morally wrong with doing so. It's illegal and I have better things to do than go to prison - been there, done that - and it wasn't pretty. Even though I'm not actively gay or BL, I think I can still answer your question since I don't think it's wrong morally. Yes, I am in inner turmoil but I believe it would be presumptuous to attribute it to some sort of conflict with the Spirit over rationalizing sin. My inner turmoil, at least the way I perceive it, comes from being a BL and unapologetically so in a society that looks at me and treats me as simply so much dirt. Furthermore, I cannot see how someone who is gay (or BL) and believes acting out on those feelings to be a sin could similarly not be in inner turmoil simply for being plagued with feelings they feel to be contrary to God's will, nature or whatever standard they are using to judge them by. Many 'Christians' heap great condemnation on those who simply have homosexual feelings, that they in some way brought them on through sin and perpetuate them by not trusting in God - wouldn't that leave someone in perpetual inner turmoil too? I believe whether someone is in inner turmoil or not is a poor indicator of their standing with the Spirit living inside them, but an indicator of how they are processing and dealing with troubling issues both internal and external. Just my thoughts for whatever they're worth... In Christ, J Come away, O human child, to the waters of the wild, with a fairy hand in hand, for the world’s more full of weeping than you can understand. |
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