The Truth is Out There + Waterfalls (longish)
Submitted by Halo on 2002-11-2 06:01:57, Saturday
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Oct 31 - The Truth Is Out There Pichu phones at lunch, arranging to meet me at the arcades by the cliffs with Brock, without El. While I'm on the cell-phone, I turn around to find El sitting there, like he just appeared from nowhere. Meanwhile, L is talking about a short film he's writing with me to play the main charachter, its a non-bl subject, he wants to show me what he's written so far at his room. On the way, El follows us "Thought you were meeting my brother" - "I am, just gotta do something first" - "Shall I ring him & let him know your not going to meet him" - "I am gonna meet him, I just want to get this outtaway first". I continue with L & Elekid follows behind, causing every distraction imaginable. He phones me, phones Pichu & waits outside my room whilst I drop my stuff off. It's like he's stalking me, only worse! I convince L that I'll catch him up later (which I do) and go with El to the arcades. On the way, El/Cujo expresses that he's upset & he's gonna hit me (oh just try, please), but his mood changes & he's happy again (this frightens me). Pichu joins us outside the snooker club & we sing Happy Birthday to him. They argue about what they are going to do, but Pichu wins cause he's left Brock outside the camp waiting for us. El then comes out with "Damn, I've gotta do over-time", this fools both of us, before he says "Only joking, do you think I'd ruin my little brothers birthday" with a huge smile on his face. Then we join Brock who's very happy to see me & go to the arcades (via McD). I get $15 out to buy Pichu phone credit & give it to him. I then play pool with El & try to probe his thoughts on Church & God, etc. He doesn't really know, but I say that God will touch his life at the funeral tomorrow. Back in the arcades, I get to know Brock a bit better, he's 15yo & he's a Christian & both his parents are Christian. I ask him the "faith" questions & he answers all "yes" (Faith questions: Do you believe in God, etc). I also explain myself a bit to Brock, saying why I'm with the brothers & what I'm doing, due past childhood experiences & former yf's (I don't tell him about Bl). Later me & El have been in another arcade alone, we emerge & find Pichu & Brock looking worried. Pichu claims that someone approached him, saying that he knew me & I owed him money, so he gave him the $15 I'd given to him. I'm very worried at first & probe for details on this guy's descrition. I don't owe anyone any money & who would know about me & Pichu. We leave Brock & El (reluctantly lets us go) to the a nearby shop. Whilst he's in there, a thought comes into my mind to probe for the truth, to test Pichu. When he comes out I say to him "Can you be really honest with me here. There was no man was there, you got short of cash & put it in the machines didn't you." Shocked by my question, he confesses, but says he still has $7 left. He didn't want to upset me by saying that he'd spent it. I forgive him, but still insist that I get phone credit for him so he can't spend it this time. So we cut loose from El & Brock & proceed to get the credit. During our walk Pichu is interupted several times by El phoning him to find out where he is. Eventually back outside McD's a 4-way arguement begins & another falsehood comes to light. El to Pichu "It's not really your birthday is it! It was a month ago! Your also just trying to get money out of Halo aren't you". I leave both of them to it for a moment & talk to Brock. I had a vaig idea, like a few days ago, when we first met, he mentioned his real birthdate, but changed it to say that it was his Dad's & lived with that lie for a few days. We made peace & I agree to leave Brock & Pichu alone to go back to the arcades. As I leave El/Cujo says "Don't even speak to me." I stop dead in my tracks, show him the "talk to the hand sign", turn around & go after Brock & Pichu. I explain to them what's happened & another arguement breaks out, that El's upsetting me again & he's gonna loose me if he continues this way. We end up back in the arcades, but I confess to Brock, that I can never abandon either boy, despite what they're doing to me cause I love them too much & I know that I can change things. Pichu finally convinces El to return to work alone & me, Pichu & Brock proceed back to the station. After dropping Brock off, I get to spend an hour alone (outside) with Pichu. He opens up to me about the machines & I try to wean him off them. He says he hasn't enough money to buy food, but that is because he's spent his money. I try to get him to think about this before he plays the fruities. I speak softly, lovingly & gently to him. I'm not mad about him lying about his birthday, cause at least he had the balls to admit it. I also explained to him, my thoughts on why he did it "to squeeze a few more dollars out of poor Halo". He really does show remorse at having done this too me. I sort of made up with El during my break (I was in the wrong to try & force him out of the way, to be with his brother & so shouldn't really condemn his actions at the beginning of this post). El wins some money on the machines, quite a bit, but he's made an enemy in L, who wants to hit him, if he pulls a stunt like earlier again. P tells me that I've become a stronger person & seem to have more control over the situation. Later in the night, me & L go over the script so-far for the film & take a video camera out into the night, to view spooky goings on on Halloween. I get home at 04:30am, it's been scary a bit like the BWP, especially when L wouldn't walk through a dark park with creepy noises coming from the squirels in the trees. Nov 1 - Waterfalls Before meeting either of them a strange question came from an unexpected source. Pichu's mate called me over when he was working, this is a 16yo boy, small fairly cute, short dark hair. Firstly he pointed to one of his workmates a girl he said "would you go out with her?" - I said "she's alright" - "Yeah, she's fit" he replied. Then came the big one "Would you go out with Elekid & Pichu?" - I stopped to think, eihh, did he really just ask that? "Eih?" - "Would you go out with them?" he repeated. "Nah, there just good friends" I answered. "Ah, okay". He then played around a bit, nicking my pass & claiming he didn't have it, before his Sv broke up his fun. Thoughts: Does this kid, fancy El & Pichu? Does he fancy me secretly?? When I met up with El & Pichu today, El said that he cried puddles at the funeral today, when the coffin was sent for cremation. Pichu was silent & seemed to be okay. In snooker I played Pichu (at last) in a game of red-ball & won by a point, potting the last ball with my eyes shut. He then headed off to work. After Pichu left, El's mood changed, he was edgy. Telling him to rest or relax brought back painfull memories for him. "Rest" reminded him about his friend being "laid to rest" & "Relax" brought "How can I relax after what I've been through today". We continued our game, I let him talk through his signs of grief, wanting to take her place etc. He also accused me of not caring about him. I tried for what seemed ages, to convince him I still cared about him & I valued his friendship as much as that of Pichu & Brock. Then pulled a big one on me I couldn't answer. "Why did you tell the barman about me." I had no answer this at the time. The reason was I was struggling to work him out, I couldn't do a thing right in his eyes & I was confused. I told the barman about touching El's leg, the reaction etc, his weaknesses, his strengths. Did I have any right doing this, not just with the barman, but friend at work, here??? I let him settle down. We finished our game, he then played Darts while I got ready. I gave him the space he needed to unwind. On the way out he spoke about killing himself again. "You won't stop me will you. You won't even try." - "Yes I will" - "you won't try & stop me cause..." he broke in mid-sentence, turned his head away & then he said "Why will you stop me?" - "Cause I care about you" - "and" - "Cause I value your friendship" - "and" - "cause your important to me" - "go on, something else" he said. - "Because I love you". - "Well, if you love me, you'll give me a cuddle". I didn't hesitate to throw my arms around him holding him tight & close to me. We moved slightly to adjust position & held each other there for a few minutes of silence, so heartfelt love passed between our souls. "I've missed you Dad" he said before we shared the last moments before breaking off. He was then full of life again "Come on Dad, lets go to the arcades." While we were there, he got a phone call, it was Pichu, he sounded in distress & El directed him to where we were. He arrived wet & short of breath. "I couldn't do it. I couldn't go through with it. They asked where I'd been & I told them I'd been to a funeral & then I just burst out crying, so they sent me home." El was the first to cuddle & console his brother, several times, I followed shortly afterwards hugging Pichu. We left the camp & stroked El's hair which is short & smooth. "Don';t touch my hair" he said jokingly. "Well it the only hair I'm ever gonna touch, you don't have any anywhere else!" I replied, he laughed & said he'd put me through the wall. El & Pichu shared a bike & I rode El's as we headed into the arcades. Later before I was due to go back, Pichu had run out of money & had spent the money he'd held back for his lunch. He hadn't learnt his lesson from yesterday, yet. I said my goodbyes, a brief touch from El & a hug from Pichu, in which he rested his head against my shoulders. They had no money from me what so ever today & they didn't pursue me back to camp either. El is off work until next Friday, while Pichu still has two days left before we break. Thoughts: God did touch El's life today & maybe he will come to realise how much I really do love him & try not to use me for money. But he can squeeze ever last cent of affection out of me, free of charge, if he wants. Halo |
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