Greetings To My Brothers In Christ Jesus - Chris
Submitted by Andy on 2002-11-2 21:08:59, Saturday
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My good friend, Andy, is writing this message for me as I am unable to be online at this time. First, I must thank all of you for your prayers and support. It fills me with great joy to be able to call you all my friends and to know you are also my brothers. I am so grateful that our forum exists and we are able to be with one another in the name of Jesus Christ! The life of faith is a difficult one, but it would probably be almost impossible without the kind of love and support that one child of God can give to another. I've said this many times to Andy on the 'phone, but I have to say it to all of you, as well… that is, if it were not for CBLF, I doubt I would be around today. It has become such an important extension of the hand of God for me. It is one of my greatest prayers, that it will be so for all of you, as well. CBLF is a wonderful gift of God for us whom are among His "lost sheep". I say "lost sheep" not because we are lost to Him… we most certainly are not. I say it because we are lost in the eyes and hearts of those who would judge us without spiritual wisdom. It is unfortunate that there are so many who do this. They see the words "Christian Boylover" and ignore the "Christian" because they have learned to hate the "Boylover" so much. They feel righteous in their hatred and so they feel they can justify any kind of persecution launched against us. They are people in positions of authority, government. and/or religious significance; people we have been taught since childhood to revere and respect. A privilege given to them by God Himself (John 19:10 & 11). There is so much suffering in this world. Every day children die of starvation, innocent people die in unjust wars, and literally millions of hands reach out for love, understanding and compassion, only to draw back empty and wanting. Turn on your T.V. or radio, read any newspaper or news magazine… or just take a walk around your own town. It is right at our own back doors. So much pain and suffering is difficult to ignore… And it is quite impossible to justify. Have you ever watched one of those T.V. programs showing the horrible plight of starving innocent children? I used to hurry up and turn the channel when something like that would come on. It's just too heart-breaking to watch, especially if it happens to come on while I'm eating dinner. Suddenly my dinner doesn't look good to me any more, and doesn't taste quite right. I almost have to force my food down after that because at the very least my conscience won't let me throw it out. "Oh, God! Why are so many suffering so badly?" I cry, and God's answer?… "Keep watching!" "But, Lord, it's breaking my heart!" I say, "It hurts to see so much pain and my food tastes bad, now." "Good!" is the only reply He gives me. So I watch and finally I begin to understand. The plight of man is so vast, and the workers are so few. We who are God's children are also His chosen. We are chosen to do His work, and we will not be sent out unprepared to do it. While it is difficult to see young children suffer, it is very wrong to turn away from it… even if we are currently unable to help them directly. When my heart is finally broken then God can rebuild it with His Spirit. I am going through a difficult time in my life right now. Satan has tried to discourage me or take me out many different ways, and his latest attempt is probably one of his worst. But God never leaves our side when things get rough and life is nearly impossible. Just as He was always with Moses in the desert, He is always with us in our "desert". He leads us in and is always faithful to lead us back out again. And when we do come out, we will be strong enough to do His work. I cannot be online because I am addicted to pornography and the internet is too much for me to handle right now. But that does not mean I cannot be with you in other ways. I thank God for my friend, Andy, who is such a wonderful brother in Christ and who is being a kind of "go-between" for me and the forum. We have a wonderful, loving Father who is so mindful of our every need that He would give us that kind of a friendship. Finally, I would like to put in a word or two about sexual addiction; addiction to pornography specifically. I have had to come to acknowledge some hard truths about myself. One big one is that I have a very addictive personality. It is so bad that I became addicted to something that I find disgusting and evil. There is no good use for pornography, especially the kind that I was "hooked on". It is (as I see it) rape by camera! I have felt that way for years. Because of that fact, my addiction to it is even more terrible. I have a huge reason, therefore, to be filled with shame. But that is where the real damage is found. Shame is destructive to one's spirituality. Guilt is helpful because it enables us to see where we are wrong and (hopefully) turn back to God. But shame, on the other hand, keeps us away from God. Guilt tells us that we did something wrong. Shame tells us that we are something wrong. It can totally destroy any kind of positive or godly identity/self image, and it is our identity that plays a major role in our faith. It wasn't easy to admit to myself, and then to others that I am addicted to pornography. And it wasn't easy to give up my computer and to stop going online (for a while, at least… ). And it isn't easy saying these things here in the forum, either. But if I can help someone else through my experiences, I must tell people about them. What keeps it from being shameful is the fact that I am a pornography addict who happens to be a Boylover, not a pornography addict because I am a Boylover. That makes a huge difference. The devil will try anything within his power to stop us, brothers. Our forum is a bright light in the middle of one of the darkest areas on the internet, and he just hates light. Let us all do everything we can to keep that light shining right in his face! If anyone reading this post also suffers from an addiction to pornography, please know that there is a way out. A.A. was founded on the principle of one alcoholic helping another, and this holds true for any addiction under the sun. I am here to be of whatever help I can to anyone who wants help. It may be a little awkward to communicate by way of a "middle man", but it can be done. Recovery is so much better that the darkness and pain of addiction! Love in Christ Jesus Chris "… And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age" The words of Jesus Christ Matthew 28:20 |
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