Re: God Rocks!!!!!
Submitted by Ben on May 02 1999 at 18:45:28
In reply to Re: God Rocks!!!!! Submitted by Chris on May 02 1999 at 14:44:33
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Dearest Chris - It is so ironic to hear where you are coming from. It is boylove that has brought me to the church, brought me to God and brought me to the possibility of Jesus as my personal savior. Were I not a BL, I certainly would not have bothered to go to a church with anyone (being a Jew after all) but for the fact that I was so smitten with the young sons of the guy who invited me that I was willing to do ANYTHING to be around the twins. How brilliantly God used them as the only possible instrument that would have caused me to ever set foot in a church! I know that I DO belong in God's family (as we all do), it's just that I find it difficult to feel that way. I guess it's that feeling of "not belonging" that keeps me from going to church. I need to be blunt because I have learned from a church which is blunt (not at ALL dull! Just straight and to the point). Your statement above is based on your perception (probably based on your experience) that belonging is something related to the people in your church. God could care less who is around you and what those people think. God knows that THOSE people have their own set of problems and have their own reasons for falling short of his standard. But Chris, God wants YOU, wants YOUR heart and you need to get off the "church" issue and onto the God issue. If your church is so wishy-washy that they believe that you have to be in a certain social place to be part of the church then FIND ANOTHER CHURCH. My church has one goal....to lead people to God, to ask them to commit to God, and to give them a community that will support ANYONE in that mission. About changing from being a BL. I'm not sure that I believe it can be done, but I am absolutely positive that it will not be changed by you feeling guilty in the presence of other people. Maybe changing is not possible and maybe it is, but there is one sure thing, it is only God that can cause that change and he can only do it if you come to him for help. Matthew 19:26 Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." I spent years in voluntary therapy trying to undo being a BL, only to snap back harder each time I failed. In the past few weeks though, I have prayed that God lessen my focus on filling in emptiness with fantasies about boys. Not because the fantasies are that awful, but because they do not satisfy. I'm trying instead to fill in that hole with the only one who can make my life worth something (need I name him?). If you aren't coming to church to find GOD, then you've gotta rethink your motives. Church isn't a place to go so that you can feel guilty about what you do or have done. It's a place to go to be forgiven. You are not alone. 
Ben |