A few reasons not to
Submitted by Heather on May 26 1999 at 09:40:29
In reply to got a question... Submitted by scott on May 15 1999 at 17:03:06
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1) Here's the one you'll hear a lot around here: the social consequences. If you have a sexual relationship with a boy, and anyone finds out, even if what you're doing is legal, it's still likely that (unless the boy is very close to adulthood) there will be negative social consequences for you and the boy to cope with. You should consider whether both of you have the strength to bear that type of pressure. 2) People who are in love naturally like to talk about it; it's not only a great outlet, it's also something that is a deep part of human nature, the desire to share one's life with another. As a boylover, you know how difficult it is not to be able to talk about your romantic feelings with most people in real life; have you considered what it would be like for the boy if it was the same for him? 3) Talking with others isn't just good for the psyche; it's a necessary part of any sexual relationship. If humans were capable of being couples without any sort of social support, nobody would bother to get married - there'd be no point. The whole idea behind the white wedding and the wedding announcements and the picture of the couple in the local paper is that couples have a hard enough time keeping their relationship together without having to do so in isolation. The more isolation there is, the more chances there are for breakdowns and even for unintentional abuse. Imagine what the world would be like if every official entrusted with large amounts of money was forced to do his work with no supervision whatsoever - no advice, nobody standing by to make sure he didn't give in to temptation. That's what a sexual relationship is like outside of a community of support. 4) Whether we like it or not, a man-boy relationship in today's society is not the same as in (say) Greek society. In Greek society, a boy knew that he could refuse the sexual attentions of any particular man (though apparently he wasn't free to refuse all men); today, one can't count on the boy knowing this. Even if you explain to him very carefully that he needn't enter into a sexual relationship - even if he makes the first move - there's still a very real possibility that he's entering into the sexual relationship purely out of a desire to please you, not because he wishes for the relationship to occur. This danger exists in all sexual relationships; in adult-child relationships, the danger increases, because children are trained from birth to obey adults. Overcoming this training takes a lot of work; that's why many societies have such stringent coming-of-age rites, designed to spiritually tear the child away from his under-authority position. In our society, the rites consist of such ceremonies as the-handing-over-of-the-car-keys, the graduation ceremony, etc. In the absence of such clear social markers, a child may not be certain how much right he has to refuse the adult, and he may not be mature enough to realize that having sex with someone in order to please them is not a good idea. 5) See F.O.D.'s post for the other reasons. Hope this helps-- Heather |