As a former clinically depressed child . . .
Submitted by Heather on June 13 1999 at 12:29:20
In reply to A bit off topic.......but Submitted by Don on June 12 1999 at 19:24:01
|
. . . I can tell you that one of the things that depressed me the most as a child was the intense pressure I received from adults to open up about my feelings. Sorry, I know that's a rather discouraging way to start a post, but if you think about it in terms of your own life, I think it will become clearer. If something is bothering you and you don't want to talk about it with your young friend for some reason - either because it's a private matter or because it's something that you want to think through on your own for a while or because your young friend isn't the right person to talk about it with or because you need to be in the right frame of mind to discuss it - then the absolutely worse thing that can happen is for your young friend to try to pressure you into talking. It makes it highly unlikely that you will ever want to talk with him about that subject. Another thing you need to take into account when dealing with clinical depression is that there is often nothing to talk about. Ben's suggestion about discussing the root issues is a good one, but the problem with clinical depression is that it can have no connection with anything going on in your young friend's life. More than once as a child in the throes of a depression, I would spill a glass of milk or accidentally tip over a wastebasket, and would then promptly burst into tears, filled with thoughts of suicide. Obviously, an extended discussion of milk-spilling or of wastebaskets wouldn't have done me much good at that point - the external events in my life had no relation to the emotions I was undergoing. Even talking about the emotions themselves is not always constructive. We live in an era dominated by the basic tenet of psychology, which is that talking about one's emotions will help. I'm sorry to say that isn't always the case. Talking about one's emotions is very helpful in cases where emotions are being repressed, but if your young friend is suffering from clinical depression, repressed emotions is probably not his problem. His problem is probably keeping his emotions from taking over his life. To a certain extent, discussing that problem can help. But equally constructive is putting his thoughts to other matters. If he cries because he has spilled a glass of milk, a discussion of spilled milk or of his feelings of suicide may not lead anywhere, but a discussion of how you and he can work together on some project to help others will serve to turn his mind away from himself and toward other people. By contrast, talking about his emotions would keep his mind centered on his present dreary life. Of course, one needs to take into account that a person undergoing clinical depression doesn't have the energy for giant projects or for difficult tasks. But even a small discussion, such as how to cheer up someone else who is depressed - even yourself - can help to shift the focus from your young friend's own emotions and life, which he may have no control over at this point, to other people's emotions and lives, which he can help to change. So basically, I'm suggesting: (1) continue to make it clear that you're always available to talk to your young friend if he wants, but allow him to choose the timing of such conversations, and (2) encourage him away from self-centeredness (in the broadest meaning of the word) toward other-centeredness. Hope this helps-- Heather |