My summer (or, Summer camps ROCK, part 2)
Submitted by Mark on August 29 1999 at 00:00:17
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Hello everybody! I know I have really been derelict about posting here. CBF is a great place, but I have been so busy IRL, away from home most of the summer. Like Don, I had a great summer at camp. Actually, I spend it at two very different camps. The first one was an academic summer program for gifted students where I have taught for a long time. I had a great group of kids. At the end of the first day of class, several thanked me for what I had taught them. Some of them routinely stayed after class to talk more about things we had done or ideas they had. It was a joy to teach them. In addition, I made it a priority this year to get to know the kids informally. I often ate meals with them (instead of with other teachers), and got much more involved in recreational activities with them than I had in previous years. Previously my paranoid side caused me to fear it would look strange if I did this, even though there were always a few other teachers who did. Anyway, I found it to be tremendously fulfilling, as I established relationships with a few middle school boys. Yes, I must admit, a couple were very nice and incredibly attractive. One of them was very touchy and one day gave me hug. Another male teacher, who is known for being a bit wacky, at one point pulled him onto his lap, wrapped his arms around him, and playfully said "I wuv you!" (The boy enjoyed it.) Hmmm. My second camp was a church camp. The really great part is that my pastor, who knows I am a BLer, still recommended me to the staff coordinator to be a counselor. I was there two weeks. The first week was with 7th and 8th graders. They had enough counselors in the cabins, so I stayed in my own room in the lodge. As a result, I didn't really get to know any of the kids as closely as I had hoped. The second week was better. This time I was in a cabin with another counselor (high school age) and 5 boys. (They always put two counselors in a cabin.) The campers were 5th and 6th graders. My pastor was also there as a counselor, in another cabin. A 10yo boy named Kris was in my cabin. His story is significant. Every couple months he comes to my church, when his step-grandmother A. brings him. His home background is not good, according to A. His father abandoned the family, then his mother became addicted to drugs. She married A.'s son, who was also addicted and committed suicide. Kris's mother got off drugs, but has had live-in boyfriends since. A. continues to keep in touch with Kris's mom and to care for Kris as her own grandson, keeping him on some weekends, and bringing him to church. According to A., Kris's mom doesn't bother to get him involved in things, and tries to get him out of the house when possible so she can spend time with her boyfriend. A. said that one time when she picked up Kris for the weekend, he started crying and said "Mom doesn't love me." A. said that she and her husband think a lot of me, and that Kris needs a good male role model. The thing that has prevented me from taking the initiative to do things with Kris and establish a relationship with him is not knowing his mother. In my discussions with my pastor about BL, I had told him a couple months ago how BLers often have YFs, and that I was interested in a possible relationship with Kris. Then, three weeks ago, on the Sunday when the 5th and 6th grade camp was supposed to start, A. happened to bring Kris to church. My pastor suggested that A. enroll him at camp, which A. did, and we placed him in my cabin. I enjoyed getting to know him, although I had to mildly discipline him a couple times. He was very touchy and I enjoyed this (BTW, I am not sexually attracted to him). Actually I really enjoyed being a counselor with all the boys in my cabin. We had evening devotionals and talked about how Jesus wants us to live. One boy said he grew spiritually during that week, coming to feel closer to God and learning more about himself. At the end of camp (two weeks ago), I met Kris's mother when she came t o pick him up. She actually seemed quite loving with Kris, stroking his hair and kissing him. Since then I have not seen Kris or his mother. I learned something about myself that week: that I feel tremendously fulfilled interacting with boys closely in a non-academic setting, and that I do not feel in any way sexually frustrated being so close to them (in spite of the fact that one of them was very attractive to me). If I could do this more often, I would feel tremendously satisfied continuing as a celibate BLer. Also, it was wonderful that I could be honest with my pastor about my orientation, and that he still completely trusted me with boys. After camp was over, a BLer friend of mine visited me for a week. I showed him several local attractions, and we talked a lot about BL. We met with my pastor twice. We also went to a gay book store and I bought a copy of "Prayers for Bobby." I highly recommend it. It's the true story of a young gay man who was raised in a homophobic fundamentalist church and family who made him feel evil and perverted. When he was 20 he committed suicide. His mother went through 3 years of searching and eventually took responsibility for his suicide. She completely changed her attitude about gays and has became an advocate for them. Well, summers' over for me as school started this past week, so I'm back in the daily routine. I hope all is well with everyone here. If and when it's not, let's remember God's love for us and keep supporting each other! Mark |