Re: You didn't really think I could leave, did ya?
Submitted by BLues on October 22 1999 at 21:58:39
In reply to Re: Sorry, I just can't stay here any longer... Submitted by Ben on October 22 1999 at 19:46:25
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I didn't mean for anyone to take me seriously, it was meant to cause Shari and others like minded to maybe feel a little guilty for trying to smoke us out of our little hiding spot (cave)... I was just writing without any intention of posting but after I was done I read it over and over and it seemed nice and even and even guided so I thought I would share. I could never willingly leave this place for good. I don't even think I've been reading/posting for a month now but I feel so much better about myself. Sometimes I feel guilty. I feel so much luckier than most people BECAUSE of my little affliction! My life is so much more free. I used to wish that I could openly express my feelings to the world. Used to wish that I could pick up a newspaper and see ads for "SWB seeks SWM". But because of you, others, and this new found freedom of speech I have changed my mind about all of that. My life is filled with love. And I now know that sex is NOT the ultimate expression of love. I was wrong. Thanks to all of you that have been here for me to vent to, I think I've come a long way since that first, ignorant posting. I read that a couple times tonight and remembered how I felt when I was writing it. Angry at God, angry at all of you for being where I wanted to be. Angry that there was a brotherhood of boylovers that I didn't belong to. Because I think I felt that I was the only one capable of loving boys while keeping it in my pants. It was a crossroads for me. Im so happy that I was welcomed down the right road. So thankful that you guys mixed any disagreement you may have had with "Your Brother" and "You are welcome here". Regarding my "can't stay here" post...I should never have expected my intended audience to understand my analogies. Their loss. Thanks Ben, for more than you know. BLues. P.S. Thanks for allowing me to be me. In more ways than just boylove... Slowly but surely Im finding my way back home. |