Limits
Submitted by F.O.D. on November 25 1999 at 17:18:43
In reply to Re:Led by our society... Submitted by Ben on November 25 1999 at 10:10:51
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12.5 is a beautiful age. I remember once when he was about that age finding our limits with Y. We were wrestling, and he's still aways off yet from being able to beat me in his own right (well, just maybe he could now at 14...) I decided it would be a good opportunity to try out an exercise in trust and communication. So I pinned him down, and didn't go easy on him or let him free like I might usually do. I said to him "Now tell me when you've had enough, and I'll let you go". But it's like he didn't want to do that. I think it was a pride thing. I wasn't doing anything other than holding him down immobile in place. He started getting desperate and violent, starting to lash out with his legs. Tears of helplessness were starting to form. It was rather painful. And I was telling him "just say the word, if it's too much". But he would say nothing, he just fought back. E was sitting next to us and told him too, "look, Y, just tell him and he'll let you go". And eventually something broke, cosmically speaking, we gave in, and I think I pulled him up and we had a hug for a few minutes. It was something of a painful thing to go through, but I'm convinced it helped him to recognise his limits, and to not be afraid to call for help when he was out of his depth, to not be proud. And I think it was a very real step from boyhood to adulthood for him. I remember earlier he would at times play up in one way or another, and I'd have to discipline him, but after this I don't remember ever once ever having to discipline. I'm pretty sure this wrestling trial was the pivotal point between these two phases of our relationship. I saw his mum discipline him from time to time after this, but never again felt there was a need for it from myself. Not that I thought I should never discipline him, but simply that I never had to after this. The need for it just never came up. Fod |