Re: First time caller
Submitted by Didaskalos on February 10 2000 at 02:59:51
In reply to First time caller Submitted by Steve on February 09 2000 at 08:56:24
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Welcome Steve! It sounds like you might be a Brit. We're glad to have you here. An amazing number of us are teachers or youth workers at churches. I spent about 7 years "Underground", washing dishes and working the night-shift at 7-11. But now I am a high-school teacher and my church wants me to take over as a leader for the 1st -5th graders. I felt like I had to live "Underground" because of guilt, confusion, & "Satan's lies"--that I wasn't fit to work with children, that I wanted to be a teacher "only for the wrong reasons".... All gone like someone blowing dandelion fluff away when I started opening up to my church about what I was really feeling. Of course, new dandelions sprout up pretty quick, and certainly SOME of my reasons for wanting to work with kids were "wrong" reasons....But it's all a matter of walking with God. NO, frankly you CAN'T get enough male-love to where your needs all feel perfectly met and you're completely satisfied. You can't get that until after you're dead. But the question is always this: can I get enough for today? Am I willing to turn loose of my idol-teddybears, the ones that make me feel so safe and cozy when I imagine myself hugging them, for long enough to ask for real love from a flesh and blood Christian? I can't always say yes. Sometimes I'm just like this inside, "Don't WANNA talk to people, JUST WANNA HUG MY TEDDYBEAR AND FALL ASLEEP!!!!!", and I end up giving my love to the slimy bedsheets. But sometimes I am a bold little boy and I ask for what I need. I still don't believe I can say, for example, "I am anxious", without people yelling at me. So I practice in front of the mirror: "I.....Am.....Anxious." And then I ask the men at my church for reassurance, and they give it to me, and I'm OK! But it's a WALK, and we need friends to walk it with. So I'm glad you're here! You'll find a lot of people going though exactly the same stuff!! Love, Didaskalos |