Re: Hi ben 2
Submitted by Ben on February 12 2000 at 10:03:29
In reply to Hi ben 2 Submitted by F.O.D. on February 07 2000 at 18:52:33
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Hi FOD - Sorry for the delayed reply. Again, life's been a bit busy and I try to stay off of the internet at night (for the obvious reasons). I found an excellent web site at www.porn-free.org. I would recommend it to anyone who surfs the web for pictures. While I do make a distinction between what I like to view (ie - just shirtless boys....perfectly legal and harmless to the boys) and sexual material, the addiction is exactly the same. Some examples of the damage that pornography has done include monopolizing my time in my own selfish desires, therefore ignoring phone calls and people who I could have spent time with. My day is forever interwoven with lustful thoughts of boys, and I have trouble really enjoying any activity that does not include looking at boys. The world becomes a sexual place and nothing 'satisfies' anymore except the habit. It has been very frustrating realizing how few things in life there are that can satisfy me! I have learned as well that as time goes on the material increasingly fails to satisfy my thirst. The more that I feed the addiction the more it needs to be fed. I used to be satisfied just seeing a cute shirtless boy and then masterbating later on that night. Eventually I had to have the image while masterbating. My photography hobby exploded and I have taken some great pictures (we are talking legal stuff here), but the perfect picture is never attainable. I always need more. Having been addicted to masterbating to pictures of shirtless boys since I was eleven years old, I have really been able to unwind some of the damage that has been done over so many years. I have taken a step back in time, masterbating about once a week now instead of 3 times a day. I would NEVER have thought that possible! I have complete faith that I am forgiven for my shortcomings because of Jesus' blood. However, I am not willing to just rest on that grace and to allow myself to fall deeper into the pit of addiction. Instead, I call on God daily, pray daily and do what I need to do to climb out of the sin that had power over me. I can't even imagine what would have happened had I not come in contact with Christ! Yikes :) Anyway, I hope that I am challenging a reader or two but not making them feel guilty. Change is possible but only with God's help. You are not alone. Your brother in Christ, Ben |