Re: First time
Submitted by Jack on February 20 2000 at 15:57:45
In reply to First time Submitted by Andre on February 20 2000 at 03:09:55
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Hello Andre, It is not as strange as you think that you hate what happened to you as a child yet feel the need to look at the photographs. I've known several molestation victims who say the same type of thing. It may be that there was something about the molestation, something non-sexual, that was something you really needed at the time. Just for example, sex can be one part of somebody expressing a deep non-sexual love for another person and can make the recipient feel very loved and special in non-sexual ways even though the act itself is sexual. I remember in high school a male teacher hugged me and then patted me on the rear end. (Certainly one male can do this with another with no sexual intent at all, but here it was unmistakably an advance.) I am not at all interested in adult males, but the attention made me feel very special and loved. For a long time I would imagine that men who I wanted to care about me, especially my father, were hugging and patting me. Perhaps you are getting something out of the pictures that conjures up memories of a good thing from the aweful thing you fell victim to. Maybe if you could figure out what that good thing is, you could find it in other and more desirable ways. I hope my thoughts on this help. I'll be praying for you. Jack |