Of love and lust
Submitted by Forgiven on February 20 2000 at 17:54:35
In reply to Masturbation Submitted by Jack on February 18 2000 at 14:50:40
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We all, as boylovers, love boys. Where those beyond us start to worry is when we start lusting after boys. There is, I believe, a distinction - and it is one that I find very helpful in my relationships with kids. My age of attraction has reached 18 - drawn along no doubt by the fact that I have no contact with anyone under 15, (and very little of that) whilst I have had a group of kids as part of my life over the last 4 years who are now 18 and 19 and 20. Of them the one whom I would describe as my YF these days is one for whom there is very little lust - indeed we have discussed it, and I've warned him never to make any sort of indication in that direction as it would open up areas I don't want to touch. He, being straight, is fairly OK about this reality, though the whole situation of where we are at leaves him a little confused!! The basis of my relationship with my YF is that we share a lot in common - we can easily chat for an hour and a half; I want to argue that it is a mature relationship, despite the age gap. There's a solid hug when we part - but it isn't a sexualised relationship. By contrast another of them is far less emotionally mature, actually physically less attractive, and is the one where the basis of relationship is more significantly lust. Part of the reason for that is that he once made a comment which I have chosen to interpret as indicating a possible interest in sexual experimentation with me (I don't know whether that was the intention or not). Part of me is interested - let's be honest here!! - part of me clings to the reality that God's way does not include promiscuous fornication, because I can't even begin to claim to seriously love him. There's a third guy at work - chronologically he's 21, but he could pass for 15. He's in a long term relationship with a girl - currently domesticated to the point of buying and doing up a house - so he is very safe. We have quite a physical relationship - I'm free to mess with his hair and put hands on shoulders when he's at his desk - and I feel that is acceptable to him, though it raised some eyebrows, so I'm a little cautious about who's around when I do such things. The contact gives me a real buzz - a feeling of acceptance and release, which is not overtly sexual yet at some level is an expression of sexuality. So where is all this going? I feel that we need to be very careful when our relationship with a person gains a substantial element of lust. On the occaisions when I have fallen, I sailed into that arena and began to fantasise long before the incidents occurred. Once we have added that element in our mind - especially in the context of masturbation - when the actual opportunity presents itself we are unlikely to resist. So pray for me as I try to get my relationship with the second guy right - he's away at college so it is not an immediate issue..... |