Things I've Learned: Part 2
Submitted by Ford Prefect on April 08 2000 14:20:48
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For anyone who identifies with what I wrote in Part 1, I strongly recommend reading The Inner Voice of Love, by Henri Nouwen. He too has been overwhelmed by the same problem of acceptance and, in this book, chronicles his journey to freedom. Slowly, but surely, I'm posting what he wrote on a web space linked below. The main thing I've learned is how to receive acceptance through many people, a community, rather than imposing this as an impossible burden on one person. A necessary step was to realize that the friendships I'd had that had become unlivable because of my demands beyond any person's capacity were still real and authentic friendships….that the love that did come to me through them was true and should not be denied. But now, rather than trying to find that one person outside of God, I seek to befriend many people and share with them the love I'm now finding within myself, where God dwells. To this end, I've gradually expanded the range of people I share myself with. This used to be just boys I was attracted to, but now it encompasses boys beyond my "age of attraction" in both directions, those whose physical appearance I don't find immediately appealing, adults (both men and women) and even girls (whom I've never found fascinating). A practice I've found to have benefits far beyond what I'd imagined is to remember these people, by name, in a morning prayer. Since it was getting progressively more difficult for me to recall each of these people, I typed out a list of the names. I was astonished to find almost 200 names on the list. Yet, each of these persons is a part of my life……and I of theirs. Somehow this daily remembrance makes us closer. I'd have never believed a couple of years ago that there would be nearly a hundred boys I'd be exchanging hugs with on a regular basis……but it's true. Probably the most important realization I've come to is that I can receive true love and true acceptance from people who don't know my "secret." They can see and experience the love I have for them without knowing the details which they would likely find incompatible with their beliefs. True, I'm ignoring the possibility of disabusing them of their misconceptions of who BL's are, but I don't currently see that as a personal mission. My hat is off to those of you who genuinely do. Still, I can't help but wonder if some of that may be like a black person feeling he can only be authentic if accepted by whites. It was Nouwen who led me to see the true significance of our suffering. It links us to The Suffering of Jesus which was the suffering of all humanity. Instead of comparing our suffering to those of others, he taught we should use it join ourselves to The Suffering and thus to the suffering of all. Recognizing this enables us to go beyond our private agonies to become compassionate with all people who share theirs with us. In the next part, I'll tell what limited understanding I've come to concerning celibacy and ask for more help in unraveling its mysteries. ---Ford |
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