Re: Things I've Learned
Submitted by Oliver on April 09 2000 16:07:42
In reply to Things I've Learned: Part 3 submitted by Ford Prefect on April 08 2000 16:07:33
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Dear Ford, Based on what you've said, what I've read, and what I know about a sexual BL lifestyle, it seems that that sex itself acts like an addiction that is very hard to live without once the line has been crosed to "go all the way" Weather you believe sex is simply the highest expression of love or it is an act that should be reserved only for the bond of mairrage, it doesn't change the fact that you grow a bit dependant on it after it has been a part of so many relationships in your past. Not having it, chosing to lead a celibate lifestyle almost makes it inevitable of the "withdrawl" symptoms of living without sex. It can manifest itself as rejection by those who you partnered with, or accelerate your drive in other areas: looking, masturbating, lusting after, ect. What does this viewpoint strike you as? Sin, an analytical analysis that compares sex to other addictive conditions, or doesn't phase or convict you at all? For me, someone who has always maintained celibacy, I look at posts, stories, boymoments of people who have had an intimate tale to tell, and I think "Oh, how lucky; I'm envious. I wish I could have the same experience." ON the other hand, I know that such an experience would be a life changing one for me because I would have chosen to embrace sex as part of my life as a BL. It is then a temptation. I also know that unisexual activities such as masturbation, are, or have been for me, very addictive. In some respects I have been dependant on it to gain any kind of satisfaction sexually or stability emotionally--It has become addictive. My struggle, then, is to take this addiction of masturbation to the sex step of anal intercourse with a boy I consider my YF, hope it will make our relatioship stronger, even if only for a little while, but with the foreknowlege of having read testimonies like yours that states such activity rarely works. Tempaption of going further versus the life I lead now and hope I can help myself not to be lulled into making the mistake (for me) of going all the way with a non-celibate relationship. I am one who believes the sexual act is should be reserved only for mairrage, I also believe that, for me, the sexual act would bring an addiction of sorts and, ultimately destroy my current career, my moral stance of sex in mairrage, create confusion with issues of faith, and be an emotional upheaval all for a night of pleasure. My life as a celibate BL is a happy one, then, because I have never participated in intercourse or such activities. I have a strong faith, I believe this is God's will to maintain such a lifestyle, I have a list of many boys whose lives I have touched too by just being a friend, spending time with them, watching them grow, and sharing Jesus with them. I also keep myself busy in other ways so that my life does not revolve around boys, boys, boys. If I ever need proof of that, I can look to this past week. MY YF, who I have not spent more then several hours of quality time with in months invites me to his track meet. Time catches up and it's like we've never been apart. I made a post to BC just recently on the whole day becuase I was so thrilled about it. I even went to another of his meets yesterday, and it was time well spent, proof to me that he trusts me, is confident in himself, and all this was possible without having to share a bed. Celibacy works; I enjoy telling my tale as much as reading yours. I hope you continue to find what you seek in Celibacy, and please, continue to share. I gain insight by seeing how God works through different people in different walks of life into an enternal one with Him. Blessings, Oliver |
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