Digging deeper - what's your real motivation
Submitted by Forgiven on May 06 2000 18:31:48
In reply to What do you guys think of this? submitted by comforted (scared) on May 06 2000 14:39:42
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Much of this comes down to what you believe about sex. The traditional Christian position is that it should be reserved for marriage. If so the only logic for the Boy lover (assuming he will allow for gay sex at all - another debate on this board) is to expect it to occur in a relationship with a boy that will last for the long term. This is a dubious expectation, and to expect a boy to commit to forever with us is not fair on him. The other issue is tested by how we would react to our YF making clear that sex isn't on his agenda. I've had two occaisions in my life where boys have said to me early in a friendship 'I hate gays' - which has (largely) clarified his expectations - and in one case I'm still in touch with the guy over 15 years on. Similarly my current YF made clear his views (against any possible sexual relationship) in a different way, and I was able to affirm that wasn't where I wanted to go either - and that was fundamentally liberating as we then could share without that issue casting a shadow. But the point is that we need to question ourselves as to whether we enjoy the boy whatever - or are we really there for the possibility of sex? Or is that an impossible question to answer honestly!? |
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