A long Statement -- Critical Comments Welcome!
Submitted by Chislon on May 10 2000 20:17:47
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How does a Boy become a Man? "Every Man's Son needs a Man from outside the family to help him become a Man." Thank you _____ for this sentence that so aptly describes what has happened since the beginning of time. Unfortunately, this is only true for the limited number of souls who are destined for greatness or who are suppressed by familial values, uneducated misunderstanding or outright psychological abuse. Without the leadership of another male, the younger male is inhibited in the natural emotional and spiritual growth process that so desperately needs to take place with those gifted males who are here to lead others and our society. Its these men who become great leaders in our society but who would be scorned if their innermost thoughts and purest desires were know by the uneducated or unknowledgeable masses. Yet, today we have many organizations and even companies that give rise to mentorships that provide man to man relationships that seemingly never draw suspicion to the mentor or his feelings or thoughts about or for the mentoree. If these feelings were worn outside these mentors, then they would be labeled and jailed. And forbid the occasion if an inexperienced psudo-mentor is put in a position by a young one where he, without adequate knowledge or restraint, shares these feelings or thoughts for another human being; for he certainly is labeled and most likely jailed! As men, from about age 10 through 23, we find ourselves in emotionally distressing times nearly every day of our lives. Emotional times that stem from our being a man in this world that is relentless at molding us with preconceived values of self worth, expectation and stereotypical roles; forget about familial psychological abuse. These young ones most need the leadership of another older man. With the leadership of another male, we grow up with the gift of experience, understanding and sincere unconditional love that is needed for a balanced psyche. Without these things, a young man grows up deeply troubled as to his role and position in life; unknowing of who he is to be or how he is to proceed with life. Many times chance or the hand of God plays a role in paring two individuals together in these mentorships. Even times, grandfathers, uncles, neighbors, coaches or boy scout leaders fulfill this necessary relationship in a young ones life. Other times its through civic organizations such as Big Brothers/Big Sisters or through corporate sponsorship that a mentorship is formed. Regardless of who these leaders are, they are older than the young one and most often have reached a spiritual level of maturity unparalleled by even the most devout Christian. But, the abilities of these individuals are never discussed openly amongst men. They are unspoken gifts that are accepted by those knowledgeable but not willing or able to give this freely of themselves to help. For if these gifts were openly discussed, the masses would reveal themselves as repulsed by this notion and continue to emotionally an spiritually emaciate their young ones. Certainly hundreds of years ago, the Mentoree was brought into the family of the mentor to learn a trade or to be guided for a period through troubling times of the young one. Regardless of the manner in which these two individual souls are put together, a bond stronger than life itself is formed and cannot be broken. Most times though, these bonds are one-sided on the part of the mentor and rarely reciprocated by the younger one. These bonds however eventually go well beyond the relationship between a soulmate, (Australian) mate, or even that between the most loving and devoted husband and wife relationship. Are these bonds wrong? Most definitely not! Not under the most watchful and understanding conditions of the Mentor. Easier to develop are those relationships between the older male and those young ones between the ages of 10 and 13, or even 14. The younger this male is, the easier he is to be taken advantage of if an adequate understanding is gained by the Mentor. For with this age group, though they identify with most males, this is where the yearning for another of understanding begins. Most typically, this age group has not developed a strong sense of independence or received a strong societal negative connotation against male to male relationships. Once beyond the age of 14, and through 16, those young ones tend to have reached a point of self realization and are headstrong toward living for today. However in this group are those that have a heavy questioning of self worth and self identification. Typically, this group tends to relate more within their own group and physically enjoys the company of those with this exclusive age group. When individuals of this group are deprived of the companionship of those within this group, a strong desire to be close to someone of this age develops from within, and if not fulfilled during these years, may last a lifetime. If the deprivation began earlier, then the attachment most generally falls back to the age group where the desire first began, most likely in the 11 to 12 age range. Once beyond the age of 16, these males have self identified and have either not had the opportunity to be bonded with another male or have begun to move beyond with their life without the benefit of a loving understanding life long relationship with another male as described earlier. Rarely do mentor/mentoree relationships develop in this age group without some significant event occurring to the mentoree. These events run the range of broken homes, psychological problems brought upon by chemical imbalances, and out right defiance of the parent child relationship. After the age of 18, a non corporate mentor/mentoree relationship almost never happens without the hand of God playing a significant role in the introduction of these two individuals. Especially after the Mentoree ages beyond 20 years of age. By this time, they are either "of this world, or in it!" Typically, for those older males who most identify with this age group, they are blessed with significant Gifts which they are to pass on to these young men. These older males have accepted the responsibility of this and very likely have the ability to see beyond the outer face put on by this age group; the ability to see the pain and heartache in the sole of this young adult. Its within this age group where the most difficult transformation is to be had, if at all. And, the most rewarding. If this young adult reaches this age, he most likely has physically experimented and fell in love with at least one significant other in his life, but still yearns to receive the leadership and development of an older, much wiser individual. Unfortunately in our society today, the most beneficial and intense relationships between two males occurs as a result of the seeking out of these young individuals by those who have reached an age where they are no longer sought by an older mentor, mostly due to age constraints. Its these relationships which have become the most scrutinized due to the transformation of several words in our vocabulary, a transformation which has brought such a negative connotation that one typically is enraged just to hear, let alone speak the word(s). The transformation of these words resulted from the lack of understanding of these types of relationships and their benefit to the younger male and society as a whole. Ultimately any relationship between two males has become wrong in the eyes of society. This, truly is a loss for all of us. The loss of the wide acceptance of these relationship resulted from the unbridled deviate males who desired the company of young ones exclusively for physical pleasure, and nothing else. Because of this, those who would enter into a relationship with a younger one rarely have had the guidance in their lives to recognize the true meaning of the desire for such a relationship, nor the understanding of themselves to fully bring a relationship such as this to its highest level without questioning their own sexuality. There is a strong attachment between the two males, which to them both is literally unexplainable. Once beyond this phase, the relationship begins to grow and prosper for the both. The younger one experiences such an understanding of himself and the world around him that is near impossible to obtain alone, absent living a good number of years and having to "purchase his own experience". A strong bond develops that can only be classified and described as Love between two individuals. There is nothing like it for the positive emotional and spiritual development in a man. Males always hear what their care givers say. They rarely listen and accept their advice and guidance. Never is love more powerful than two males who have not grown up together! The strongest relationship is one where a male has found another who is understanding and accepting of the other and loves the other unconditionally; no matter what his desires, emotions, beliefs and life goals. They are two spirits walking side by side. Again, this relationship lasts a lifetime and is more powerful than even the strongest husband and wife relationship. Other than peace time relationships between males of differing ages, war brings two males together as none could ever imagine. Ones life depends on the relationship one develops with his "buddy" in war. Peace time relationships are more powerful in that each male can fully be himself with someone other than himself without fear of ridicule, abandonment or embarrassment. Deep down, each male fully desires another male with whom he may love and be loved. How does a boy become a man? Simply, with the leadership, caring and understanding he accepts and receives from a man outside his immediate family who is generous enough to bestow his insight, wisdom, love and knowledge upon him without expectation of reciprocation. |
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