Re: Desperately Needing Advice
Submitted by Ford Prefect on May 27 2000 13:57:55
In reply to Re: Desperately Needing Advice submitted by Huck Finn on May 27 2000 13:23:01
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Huck, Over the years, I've believed many things about myself and about God. Nothing has ever come to me in a blinding flash, a piercing insight, or (as in the old movies) by a shaft of light illuminating my hands which then begin to play beautiful music. Indeed, it's literally taken me all my life (57.5 years) to get to where I am now. Ironically, I knew myself better when I was 10 than when I was 20 or 30 or even 40 or 50. I have at times considered myself to be a latent heterosexual who just needed to break out, God's gift to teaching and Scouting, the best father any boy or young man could have, a hopeless romantic, perverse and unlovable, and an expert at arguing scripture. Fortunately, I've been disabused of all these illusions. Quite simply, I'm still who I was at 10, a person who really likes boys. All I need do is let God act through me and use me as he will. I've seen God as a relentless policeman, a harsh judge, a possibly OK infinite being who deserved respect for being so powerful, a Santa Claus, a lawgiver, but now as a loving father who really cares for ALL of us and who wants us to share our lives with him. Perhaps you can see how it's difficult for me to give meaningful advice to younger BL's struggling with the same problems I struggled with.......there was nothing anyone could have told me then that would have made any difference. For me, learning had to come from experience.....and it still does. ---Ford |
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