Search your feelings
Submitted by F.O.D. on May 27 2000 15:07:49
In reply to Desperately Needing Advice submitted by Ben on May 27 2000 09:27:56
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Man, I'm just full of Star Wars quotes, this week, aren't I? :) Here is take 2, sorry about the HTML ;/ Seriously, though, I think it's good advice. What do you want out of your relationship with this woman? Not meaning that you be selfish and think only of yourself, but the relationship has to two-way. Well I guess you know all that. I think the best advice I ever received, thinking about marriage, was this: you don't want to ask the question "is this a fine woman? Could I live with her forever?" Rather, the question you should be asking is, "Could I not live without her?" Is she so much a part of your breath and being, that you cannot remotely contemplate a life separate from her? Remember, there's a pressure you put on yourself and that society puts on you, to date and get married just because it's the "normal" thing to do. So you find a nice girl to date, and she really will be a nice girl, but nevertheless ultimately you're not dating her for her sake, you're dating her merely to fit in with the norm. Now I'm not saying this cynical view applies to your relationship here, I'm just reminding you of the potential subconscious pressures that blow us around like a leaf the wind, so you can be sure in your own heart that's not the case. What Huck Finn said makes sense, to tell her you're cautious of a long-term relationship, so she doesn't push things too fast. About the other thing you said, about weighing up the pro's and con's of being able to touch the lives of the many, versus touching only the lives of those few in your own family, remember, "you are not alone", that is, this isn't just a boylover dilemma but the dilemma of anyone contemplating a life of celibacy vs marriage. 1 Cor 7. And on the other hand, being a dad doesn't mean you can't give value to other boys outside your family, onthe contrary in a way it can give you a certain strength and perspective. And there's foster parenting, for instance. God bless you, Ben. They are complicated questions. F.O.D. |
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