answers for pendragon
Submitted by Rex Infinity on June 07 2000 18:31:04
In reply to Re: An Earler Post submitted by Pendragon on June 06 2000 22:05:56
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"Are you saying that you are glad the wrong person didnt take you in to rape you or beat you..." Yes, I'm glad I didn't get taken in by someone who would have raped me or beat me. Either reports of that sort of thing happening are exaggerated or I was just very, very lucky. "...but you would have been fulfilled if this one teacher took you in in a sexual way..." I BELIEVED at the time (and for some considerable time after) that I would have been fulfilled had my teacher taken me in in a sexual way. But, as I said in my original post, these days I'm not so sure. I'm not even sure my teacher's love of boys HAD a sexual component. "...because you know he loved you..." Oh I know he loved me. "...and would not have hurt you..." Oh but he DID hurt me. But as my grandfather always said: "sometimes you've got to be cruel to be kind". "...just expressed his love through sex..." Knowing what I do now, I do not believe my teacher would have ever expressed his love for me through sex. He would have seen that as lust, not love. "...and it is what you wanted?" Sex? Well, that would have been incidental. Nice, but incidental all the same. Sex never has been a great force in my life (much to my lover's annoyance - he's older than me, btw). But I've always seen it as a way of saying "I like you very, very much. Would you like some tea and toast now? And how about a walk afterwards?". But to answer the question: it was PART of what I wanted. "But he did not so it may not have "been the best thing for you or him" because you both would have probably enjoyed it?" Yes, something like that. But I have to say again: I do not know if my teacher was a boylover. "I am asking because I have a young friend who I have known since he was very young." Whatever my own thoughts and feelings were, I'm sure your young friend has his own thoughts and feelings too. You need to relate to HIS feelings, not to the feelings of a 10-year-old Rex Infinity. "Most of the boys stop at a certain age sitting on my lap at movies or cuddling by the campfires but he has continued on." I have found much the same was/probably-still-is true of boy-boy sex-play and sex. There came a time in my life when I had no peers to play with, which was one of the reasons why I started chasing after men (another is that I was beginning to find some men rather "hunky" anyway - I think I get that from my mum ;-) ). "He recently sent me an email telling me he was gay and wanted me to be his valentine!!!" Well, being someone's valentine is not the same as being someone's lover. "As I told Ford I am terrified of the path we are on but I am running toward it as fast as I am running away and dont know what to do." As a Christian you must do what is pleasing to God. But you knew that already, right? "Everyone (needs) a reason for a smile Everyone wants to love someone" - Aaron Carter, Crazy Little Party Girl (And the girl behind the counter didn't even bat an eyelid when I bought that one!) Peace be with you Rex Infinity |
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