Knowing *when* to say no
Submitted by F.O.D. on June 07 2000 22:14:24
In reply to Knowing *how* to say no submitted by Ford Prefect on June 04 2000 15:06:47
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One of the things that concerns me in these questions of saying "no" to the boy is the implied assumption that I am morally impelled to say no, because if I don't his life will be smashed in ruins and he will never be able to grow into a Healthy, Functioning Member of Society. In my humblish opinion this reasoning misses the point, somewhat. To explain what I mean, consider my YF, who ages further with every passing month. He's now 16, and that already makes him legal in many, if not most, parts of the world. Does that mean it's now OK for me to have sex with him? The question becomes a somewhat different one then, how to say "no" to him. Or does it? As a young adult, then, suppose he were to come on to me? Suppose, for the sake of avoiding the age/legality question altogether, he's already 20, or 25, by the time he decides to come on to me, and seek a sexual relationship with me. Am I then "allowed" to pursue a sexual relationship with him? Or is the question the same, "how do I say 'no' to him?" ? What I'm asking is this: what is the justification for saying "no" to the boy in the first place? I think we must first of all have that question established in our mind before we start asking how to say that "no". Is it because the boy is some sort of weak spirit that will inexorably perish if it has sex, even the sex it wanted to have? Then what is an adult? Where does the line start, where the fragile, sexless boy turns into a thriving, throbbing adult sex-machine? Is there such a line? In my opinion there is no line, between boy and man, or rather there is a line, but it is the boy's own line. It is the boy's responsibility to choose when he is ready for sex, he recognises himself when he is an adult. Does that mean I'm saying it's just as fine to have sex with a boy, as with a man? No! On the contrary, I'm saying it's fine not to have sex with either, boy or man. What I mean is, the rationale you set before yourself for not having a sexual relationship with an adult guy - for reasons of monogamy, lifelong commitment, holiness - is the very same rationale for not having sex with a boy who wants it. It's hypocritical, in the literal sense, to have different rules for kids and for adults. Something to think about, anyway. Fod |
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