Old friends
Submitted by Altar on June 13 2000 08:39:40
In reply to Fears in seeking support submitted by Heather on June 12 2000 18:54:45
|
Pain comes in many flavours and degrees. Sometimes we fool ourselves into believing that we know pain as an old friend, that it holds no more secrets or surprises for us. In the silent shadows of our soul, we sit in lonely contemplation of hurts unshared and fears not understood. To reach out is to risk being touched. That touch, however gentle and sensitive may burst the fragile facade that we isolate ourselves behind. A facade skilfully constructed with layer upon layer of self-deceptions, false bravado, images of calm acceptance and social camouflage. A fragile eggshell of half-truths and comfortable lies. The source of our disquiet may differ from one person to another. But silent shames seek no solace. In time, they even become comfortable, almost. Almost, but never quite. Always through the soft shadows within, quietly echoes that soft small voice. The voice that speaks gently of love yet unknown. That whispers of what may be, of forgiveness not yet welcome. To touch is to be touched. But where a caress may invite, a blow may follow. A friendship offered may be a betrayal in the making. A thought shared may soon shatter into silvery shards, slicing a sensitive heart. A warm hug may become a trap of sinew and seduction. A smile becomes a smirk. The profound becomes profaned. Pain, once an old friend, becomes a strange new enemy. Inner shadows map out a familiar landscape. Though our footsteps echo alone through empty caverns, they tap out a reassuring cadence as they follow well worn paths in our minds. The dust of years lightly powders and softens our flesh. Escher hands draw and redraw each other in self-absorbed introspection. Self-sufficiency becomes self-dependence. Loneliness becomes aloof aloneness. Independence becomes self-defeat. The enemies inside become stronger than the enemies outside. To sit silently within self woven shrouds of shadows. Or to seek harsh unfamiliar light. What hides within that distant glare beyond the shadows? New life, new love, understanding and acceptance? Or new pain, of a quality and intensity yet unknown? Will a familiar ache become transformed into a terrifying savagery from beyond the boundaries of our own nightmares? Can we take the risk? Can we afford not to? Do we still dream of teddy bears and candy floss? Dreams of golden sunshine, green leaves, and warm gentle summer rain. Or will the chill coldness of icy winter claim our hearts forever? Do we still dare to hope? A. A. E. |
Follow ups: