The exgay path
Submitted by maggie on June 22 2000 19:03:00
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On another thread, Heather said, "I was quite certain for many years that no person could change his sexuality; in fact, I wrote a novel that memorializes this view. Then, after years of reading stories about people who had tried to change their sexual feelings and failed, I started reading stories about people who had tried to change their sexual feelings and succeeded; it made me realize how wonderfully complex the causes are for people's sexual feelings, and what very different paths people travel in their attempts to reach spiritual and mental wholeness. What is poison for one person may be lifegiving medicine for another." I labelled myself as "pro-gay" in another thread. I support equality for gays, including gay marriage, the unclosetting of gays in the military, adoption rights. Four years ago I began email dialogue with an exgay man and one thing led to another. I am now a "dialogue activist" (that's why I'm here) and I have expertise (second hand) about the exgay path, and several friends who are in exgay ministry. I agree with Heather that what is poison for one person may be lifegiving medicine for another. Bottom line: I am "pro-exgay" at the same time I am "pro-gay." A difficult concept which is hard to capture in a soundbite or even a paragraph or two. So it is with the exgay path, difficult to capture in a soundbite or a paragraph or two. It is important to be sure you know how people are using words. "Change" is a semantic blank, one must always ask, "What do you mean by 'change'" Also, exgays use "gay" to refer to identitifying as gay , whereas gays use "gay" to refer to same-sex attractions. Moreover ex-gays use "exgay" to refer to people who have experienced same gender sexual attraction (sga) and who, for religious or other reasons, have chosen not to embrace a gay identity. Ex-gay does not necessarily imply past same gender behavior (sgb) nor does it specify the degree of significant change in same gender sexual attraction. Today I learned that Planet Out has interviewed three exgay ministry leaders (Bob Davies, the executive director of Exodus; John Paulk, the chair of Exodus; and John Smid, the director of Love in Action), along with two ex-exgays (John Poindexter, and Jallen Rix). IMO, the exgay interviewees did a good job explaining the exgay path, and what they mean by "change." I am not surprised, because I know them and while I disagree with their theological position (I believe gay relationships are equal in value to straight relationships), I have found them to be honest people who are quite willing to answer questions. I assume different readers will look at those interviews and come to different opinions concerning whether exgays have "really changed" their orientation. Here's the link: |
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