Hi, marc, I am fairly new here and we haven't met before. Sorry I was away when you first posted. I really hate to see loving bl guys threatening to kill themselves. Yet this is so common. I am part of an informal committee at another site called BL-CATADS, the BL Committee against Teen and Adult Depression and Suicide (long name, maybe it's to make people stay alive long enough to read it lol). We are doing what we can about this common situation.

Your problem is REAL common. I have often joked that it should be made illegal to geographically move kids' places of residence more than 10 miles until the kids are 18. Apart from the disruption in a few BL lives, huge numbers of teens lose their desperately loved sweethearts because a lot of American families are forced to move every few years. A friend remarked that one of the really different things he saw in Canada (where I live) is that people don't seem to move nearly as often. There actually is some factor in the economic system in the US that aggravates this moving-around problem. (Instead of shooting someone as a "final fuck u," try applying your anger to understanding this problem and dismantling its cause, which would probably very much inconvenience some wealthy people. That would be a great "fuck u.")

I am going to start off by proposing the obvious, which no one else has done yet. I just moved 7000 miles to rejoin my boyfriend, which of course required changing jobs (and national residency, etc.) and was a major pain in the behind. But you don't find a perfect boyfriend every day. If your YF is moving, and you don't think you'll see the likes of him again (probably not true, but it could be, one never knows), then bite the bullet and move nearby. Unlike shooting yourself, this takes organization, but even as a BL, you are allowed to solve your own relationship problems through constructive means. Yes, I am sure there are many frightful inconveniences and discomforts involved, not to mention money, but what's more important to you? That's what I had to decide and I am glad I went for the boyfriend.

Does it look suspicious that you pop up nearby again? In this case, I am not so sure. Who would imagine a guy would move just to remain the buddy and zoo escort of a boy? Nah, it must just be coincidence. The SECOND time it happens could look a little odd. Just say you got a new job. (or something like that.) If your situation doesn't seem to fit this (for example if you're a broke college student living with your family), you can still really have a good think about what you could do. Is it worth disrupting your education and getting a job for now? Maybe it is. Is it worth 6 months of effort trying to put together a way to make the move work? Quite possibly - depends where your priorities are.

Now about this suicide thing. Have you ever had the experience of having someone you loved or liked do it? It is one of the most horrible things you can do to people, a betrayal of all the love you ever got. People are devastated (including many who you think don't care)and they all blame themselves. OK, maybe you didn't get much love, I don't know, or maybe you think it was fake since it wasn't directed at your BL self and you think everyone who loves you would hate you if they knew you thoroughly. Well, it doesn't matter if you like boys, you are completely worthy of being loved, and you should understand that any love you have received is genuine and meaningful. It's tough to be part of a disrespected sexual minority but you can still seize your right to social interactions. People's confusion about pedophilia doesn't mean that they are all phoneys who should be shot. They are trying their best, but they have made a terrible mistake in this case. Do what you can to help them. Don't cut them off.

Have you ever had the experience where you knew one of your friends had just died or was about to? I remember my dad telling me that even though he wasn't religious, there were a couple of odd events in his life he couldn't explain. The one that's of interest here was that he was taking a shower one day at around age 18 and he suddenly said "goodbye, Morrie." Later that day he found out that his friend Morris had been unexpectedly killed at just that moment. A similar type of event happened to me when my bro died (except then I had a spiritual warning a couple of days in advance) and again just recently when a 16 yo online friend died of HIV complications.

When you commit suicide, your murder weapon slashes through the holy spirit. Your YF, because of his love for you, will know that something terrible has happened, and most likely he will know that it has happened to you. In any case, he may come looking for you some day and find out the hideous truth from a neighbour or a friend. He will blame himself completely (for psychological reasons that go far beyond the obvious, but I don't want to tell that whole story here). The grotesque thing you will do to his life if you try to do this in secret is beyond imagining... IF YOU LOVE HIM, LET HIS LOVED ONES LIVE, ESPECIALLY YOURSELF. You will also know in eternity what you have done, and you will not be able to make evasions and excuses, seeing the thing in the "dark mirror" (as the bible says)of your depressive thoughts... you will see exactly what the consequences were for every person involved, "face-to-face." People wonder why a loving God would make a hell; in fact, the hell is that you will know too much, and the knowledge that you used your God-given life of love (including your God-given gift of boylove) and creation to cause other people indescribable, unnecessary pain cannot be entirely separated from you, not even by forgiveness or redemption.

It's so easy to love, because God is with you. Keep your eternal self-respect. Love yourself, your YF, and everyone around you. Stay alive and use the spirit's power to help solve your problems!