Hi guys,

What an amazing thing it is to really come to terms with who you are and then to have an understanding of where you fit in the world.

All my struggle for answers to the tough questions is finally starting to bear fruit.

I have learned that God doesn't rush things. He's not an instant coffee God. He lets things brew and percolate till the flavor is perfect!

Just this morning I gave my wife a great cuddle as I left for work and felt genuine and sincere desire to be her husband and to be a good husband. This is such a change to my "get me out of here!" attitude of recent months.

I have totally stopped trying to get healed.
I am a Boylover. I know it with every grain of my being. There is not a straight bone in my body when it comes to attraction to females... but now I know that that just doesn't matter to God at all. He loves me just as I am, completely and totally. I feel like the beloved son and what an awesome God we have that calls us His own!

Today I was traveling to work thinking about my yf and I started laughing out loud. Like really, really, tears flowing out of my eyes laughing. I love him SO much! AND THAT IS A GOOD THING! I can see the times God has given me to be with him in such a way that my wife is not offended and I just thank Him so much for that. I thank God that there is a person in the world that can make me feel THIS GOOD just by existing.

I still have no idea how to handle the sexual side of my marriage. All I know is that I can be a boylover AND a husband. They are not contradictions. What a great revelation that was... listen to those talks guys!

Now a prayer:
Father thank you for the joy you have given me in You this day. Thank you for my wife and kids and for that special boy that makes my heart shine. Thank you that even in the midst of so much personal mess, sin and struggle You never abandon me, rather I am your beloved son whom you discipline and lead ever forward. Thank you especially for all the brothers at cblf that have made my journey so much easier and more fulfilling... I really don't know what I'd do without them. Thank you for the honor of knowing them. You truly are an AWESOME God.
Amen

Blessings guys
Cat.