Re: Anyone can dig themselves a hole....
Submitted by Dakota on 2008-09-6 08:59:32, Saturday
In reply to Anyone can dig themselves a hole.... submitted by Youth?? on 2008-09-6 07:29:42, Saturday
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I'm glad you came back. Believe it or not, I know a little about what you're going thru. When I was in high school and college, I was in love with my best friend. He liked girls, and always had a steady. This wasn't the worst part. If we had made plans to do something and the opportunity came up for him to spend that time with his girl, he would opt to be with his girl, often not even calling to tell me he had changed his mind. Obviously, this hurt me a great deal, especially since he spent most of his time with the girl anyway. If I wasn't in love with him, I would never have put up with that. But what can you do when you can't imagine living without having at least SOME contact with this person? Needless to say, I suffered a lot of emotional distress. He wasn't intentionally mean. He just didn't value me nearly as much as I valued him. I wish I could tell you I found some magic solution, but I never did. We were both Christians, which helped a little. But as you are finding out, being a Christian doesn't protect you from the hurt. What happened in my case was this. I fell in love with him when he was a boy, although I didn't realize I was a boylover at the time. I thought I was just bi. But as we both aged, things slowly changed. He became more manlike which cooled my boylover attraction to him. At the same time, God was working with me, as He works with everyone who is at least trying to follow Him. And as I became a bit more mature in the lord, I was able to see and treat the relationship more as a friendly one and not a romantic one. But it took years of God working with me, helped out by the fact he wasn't a boy anymore. We are very good friends to this day. I consider him my best friend, although I don't know if he thinks of me that way. But I know he does at least think of me as a very good friend. He and his wife are 2 of the very few people who know I am a BLer. They still trust me enough to have me over and spend time with them and their kids, even though they are aware I am sexually attracted to their sons. (Not so much the older one, since he is pretty much a man now.) So although I can't offer you any magic solution, I CAN offer you hope. Remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And with God, things always get better sooner or later. Not some of the time, not most of the time, but ALWAYS. And we'll be here to help you thru the rough times. Dakota |
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