I was keen to go to the school because I had gone with the family to visit and had older brothers there.

Being successful at rugby attracted the attention of Peter Wright who was a very good teacher of rugby,and used riding to the matches in his car as a way to show that you were special.

Carson took a photograph of me in my choir outfit and had a copy in his room.

The grooming process over a period of months included gaining my confidence and showing that he liked me - and it is nice to be liked.

I went on a school trip to Arran with 5 or 6 other boys and a friend of Carson; one night I was invited into the tent the men were in. At some point the friend unzipped my sleeping bag and assaulted me 'in a very gentle way' - pleasuring himself and me, telling me that I would enjoy this and was lucky to have this opportunity; I would get used to this - this wasn't a one-off. I was completely sexually innocent at the time - no knowledge or interest in sex. It was long before I hit puberty (15 for me). So I felt someone was being 'intimate, intimate in a different way'. No sense that he didn't have a right to do this or that he was stepping over the bounds. There was no alternative - no sense of it being odd - it was a natural consequence of going on a trip with a couple of adults, I was the lucky one. Kept it as a secret.

Over time it became what we did it whenever I went to his room.

I can't honestly say I was always repulsed by what was happening: was I colluding? Was I really enjoying it - so wanted it to continue. There was an element of all those things. It was a different universe where all the rules I'd hitherto lived by had gone and I was playing by a different set of rules - and I had no idea what the game was or what the rules were except that there was a relationship that mattered to me; it was the most important thing going on at the time, transcending everything else in my life. When he [buggered me] I was surprised, shocked and frightened - never considered such a thing was possible - but not so much as to go running to tell - that was just too complicated; to be associated with something that bad would not please people. It was from that point that it became really damaging in a way that he will never understand.

I didn't feel conflicted - I didn't feel any inclination to talk to anyone about it, not even my parents.

He made me feel I was special .... and different from other children in the school. I didn't know if it was right or wrong - he was telling me that it was great, but I felt that if it was discovered it would be my fault and I would have a lot to answer for. If my parents had sent me to this place that they trusted, it was not for me to question what was going on.

Eventually the matron confronted me about what was happening - though I felt very much in the firing line. I don't remember whether I confirmed or denied it, but the next thing was that Carson had been sacked and I saw him on a side stair, pleading with me 'what did you say, how did they find out'. I felt a huge sense of guilt - that this had been uncovered, that Carson had been rumbled, a career was in ruins, that all that I had promised had gone.

My father asked me what had happened and was shocked - but the headmaster convinced my father to ignore this 'blip' and that it was in my interests and the school's interests that things carry on as before. So he continued in the school - and went on to be part of the winning team in the sevens tournament after the end of the term. I never spoke of the issue again with my father for 30 years.

I don't think you ever forget what happened; it's embedded inside you.
There were times when I assumed that his attraction to me meant that I was gay, and I was desperate to overcome that in adolesence and early adulthood.

The effect of the abuse is to leave an area that is being hidden from partners / families. The hiding is being done for all the right reasons - but it takes its toll.

I fantasied about confronting my abuser with the question: 'did you honestly think this would have no repercussions, or did you not care?'. It never goes away and it resurfaces when you have children of your own - they remind you of how vulnerable you were.

I was unwilling to go the police whilst my father was alive; to add to the sense of regret that was there already - when we could have gone 25 years earlier.

People won't come forward whilst parents are still alive; however I chose to go to the police earlier because of the hope that one child won't be abused as a result of Carson being exposed. In fact he was teaching.... On his arrest found a few inappropriate pictures and a lot of questionable material - of choirs. The story was confirmed by the exchange of letters between father and the school at the time. Carson pleaded guilty and received 2 years based on otherwise good behaviour (no repetition in over 30 years). I challenge that... how can that be known? Carson does have the classic attitude of the paedophile not to recognise the feelings of children - Carson was unrepentant but had it stopped? This sentence annoyed me.

It is valuable for victims to go to the police because it is cathartic.
The school where Carson was working stated to parents that he had left 'for personal reasons' - rather than admit the full story. This seems like a failure of a duty of care...

Parents are sending their children to these schools as a way of entering society - and are failing to ask the hard questions.

The successful paedophile is the one that is never discovered. They are charming, they have good conversation, they are caring. They appear like any other member of society. You just can't tell.

I don't hate him - I just hope he doesn't do any more harm to anyone else.