Diddy, whilst I'm sure that this cycle of abuse focus is a part of many man/boy relationships I just can't find it in myself to accept that it is characteristic of ALL man/boy relationships.

I do not believe that every time a man engages with a boy in a sexual way he's playing out the dynamics you expound in this post. It is too easy for me to imagine other dynamics. It is too easy for me to know that some boys are really quite aware of things sexual and their own desires and the interests of their adult friends to just play the role of "powerless" and too many would enjoy the sex without the "pain" of which you speak.

I know in my own situation I never felt powerless and I didn't experience any pain in the dynamic with my AF. My pain and powerlessness came from dealing with the social rejection that followed when I initiated similar activity with other guys and got knock backs and ridicule for my efforts... from having a mother who was taught that "pretending nothing is going on" was the best policy.

Also this dynamic does not factor raw sexual desire into it's equations. What of the boylover who was not sexualised as a child... who has no abuse background motivating him and yet... like any man... hungers for a romantic/sexual companion amongst the ones(boys) to whom he's attracted? If he has no "powerlessness" and "pain" to process... what is he going into the relationship with?

Secondly, I can't agree with the idea that practically any BL brings more BAD into the relationship in preportion to his awareness of the BAD. Again from my own experience I believe that I'm very self aware of my BAD (without claiming ridiculous self-insight) and I think I know how to keep my ISSUES out of my relationship with my YF. I don't think it's an either/or with the boy-work thing. I think we come into any relationship with baggage AND strengths. We help AND we hinder. Hopefully if we are mature, we help more than we hinder, nevertheless relationship is about growing for all persons involved. I can discipline and mentor and guide AND still hold on to those boyish qualities that make life fun. We can stay up and play video games all night tonight because there's nothing on tomorrow and we can sleep in... but we can't do it on a school night and we can't do it ever night. There is balance. The boy does NOT have to die for the man to emerge. The mature man needs to learn how to handle his boy, when it is ok to have play time and when he needs to be responsible... (sheesh Diddy... you taught me that!).

Overall I get the impression that this post was very reactionary to the type of "it's always ok to sex a boy" kind of attitudes you must be hearing elsewhere. I don't think they fit in the flow of what we are discussing here.

Blessings
Cat.