Time you read 'The Shack' - about real relationships being based on real mutual submission and a desire to do the best for the other in the entire situation. In that context 2 is a total non-starter; if you really need to go ahead with it, 3 is the only possible starting point, and really you need to try and avoid presenting it as a fait accompli. And from a more structured understanding of a marriage, since 'your' money is only jointly yours, it is unhealthy for you to be going off spending it without meaningful discussion.

I've sent you an email on the wider issue, which it would probably not be helpful to share here...