Without having the time to real all the previous replies, let me dive right in and risk saying what someone already has said. I vote for number 2. I'm not saying that you should do anything sneakily. (Is sneakily a word?) But I see no reason to mention it to your wife. From your recent posts, she doesn't appear to be supporting you at all regarding your bl side. So what purpose would there be in making a point of telling her what you're doing regarding your yf? Just my opinion.

Dakota