it's hard because he is still very special to me.

and if i move on i do feel like it's a betrayal because like u said in the end, that special person isnt there because you personally cannot handle the pain (or whatever it is). i just cant imagine never ever seeing him again in all of eternity...although now that i think about it i probably will...still the possibly scares me. and i really do want to be a part of his adult life as a good friend.