choices!!!!

I often review the question of "FEEDING". It comes up so much in my Christian real-life circles. It leads me to wonder... 'do I want boys because I fantasise about them or do I fantasise about them because I want them?' Having attempted to practice some abstainance in the fantasy and masturbation department on one hand. And having tired to enjoy sex with my wife of 20 years to whom I'm not attracted on the other. I've come to think the answer to the feeding question is the latter not the former. No ammount of eating rocks would make me like eating rocks. Some things are aquired tastes, but that's usually stuff that is good for food but just unusual and unfamiliar to me.... like olives or wine. I don't think I could ever aquire a taste for gravel no matter how much I ate it. I don't believe my fantasy feeds my want for boys. I do believe my want for boys feeds my fantasy. Having said that I also agree that the nature of my fantasy can effect the way I interact with boys and perceive them. If I'm lusting about getting it on with a particular boy then sure it could weaken my defecnces if a situation with that boy seemed to arrise. In such a case it's not the feeding of my attraction to boys that is the problem. It's that I'm being enticed to go after a real situation and make a real something of it. THAT kind of feeding is indeed dangerous! My attraction to older guys is growing as I get older... but I still can't sexually fantasise outside of my original AOA. Blessings Cat.