it's so tempting to try to give advice but none of us will be able to tell you anything you havent heard a hundred times before.
I reckon you doing the right thing by having a good old moan and this is a good place to do just that. It's what the board is here for.
If we have pain we yell dont we? its natural.
I reckon you're much stronger than you realise and nothing lasts for ever. So long as you're not physically ill and you got at least a bit of food to get by you'll see a way through this.
Try not to give up on God is all I'm saying. He has plans for you you wait and see and try to help your mom where you can.
you in my prayers anyhow.