sometimes, though I try no to, at night I 'go back' to the last day I was with my YF some years ago, laying next to him in the living room with all our friends sleeping soundly, he, wrapped to me with his arms and legs, snoring, and me crying quietly 'cause I wanted so badly to tell him everything I never did, looking at his face and thinking I'll never have a moment like this one again, feeling a burning in my heart I've not experienced since then.

so naturally, I'd rather be with someone who's "not real". I find real memories too painful.