So recently I've discovered something that I can't really... say I'm proud of discovering. But it certainly makes me happy and I am feeling slight relief. I've told this story a million times so I'll keep it brief just to connect the dots for people. When I was sixteen, me and a thirteen year old boy I was very much in love in - basically had a brief sexual encounter. I was in love with him forever. Me and his brother where best friends, but we had a 'falling out' and our ties where severed forever, on top of that his mom hated me. So basically, i haven't the boy i love in 2 years. It's been 4 years since the sexual encounter, and he's getting ready to become an adult and graduate high school. I can tell you with absolute certainty that not a day has gone by, that I haven't thought about him. Then we recently made contact. He told me he's getting ready to join the marine core. Basically, he won't be alive for very long. It's rough out there, and not a joke. This killed me. Then I started looking at my surroundings and noticing. He doesn't really give two shits about me. That's what it boils down too. I don't mean anything to him. Same thing with his brother. We spent two years together, and he just, stopped caring one day. I've seem COUNTLESS amounts of people just not care. And it solves their problems, but sounds really bad on paper. So, the other day, I decided, i don't care. I just don't care anymore. And i actually had a long conversation about what he plans on doing in the future. And i feel good, and free. There is nothing I can do. I don't care. Life is shit. I can't have a say so in everyone's life. So i don't care. it's so easy this way. I have to give up a part of myself, and it's a work in progress. But it's resolving.