I've come to believe in recent years that the pain of losing a boy is not something to run away from... but something to be experiecned.

Of course there needs to be room in one's life to do so. If you work long hours and embrasing your pain makes you unable to work... that could seriously effect the circumstances of your life.

However, if you have time, I encourage you to focus on your triggers. Put aside some hours to sit and deliberatly remember or do things (like watch a movie or go to some place or hold some object) that will make you remember... that will put you in touch with your feelings. And FEEL THEM. I think the process of healing comes about when we alow our emotions to be.

Have the good long cries.
Have the overwhelming laughter at how good it was.... delight in the memories of those times... relive them in technicolour... all the while being grateful in prayer that you had him in your life for whatever brief moments God allowed you.

In all of this accept yourself and how you feel and how you hurt.

This is your life, your story... live it.

Runing from it... and supressing it... only drags it on and on and on.
I don't believe you will always feel so overwhelmed.

Blessings
Cat.