It's always good to hear that people are going on with life despite being BLs, and even better when that includes having boys in their life, showing that it is possible for BLs to be safe around boys.

I can think of at least three things to consider as sources of this discontent:

1) At its most basic, this may merely be the fact that you are getting older and getting broody. As I've got older I've become more aware of the need for deep relationships...

2) A second factor MAY be that all those good times with boys have answered the need in you for interaction with boys and you're feeling a need to move on. How are the relationships in the rest of your life? Are you putting the effort into spending time with adult friends? Do those friendships seem more important these days?

3) As Christians our most intimate relationship should be with God - He's the one that our life needs to be focused on. For me working at bringing Him into all that I do so that I share my life with Him moment by moment provides significant intimacy for me - though one that is supplemented by real life adult relationships.

Do any of those ring a bell?