Having been there before, I can understand how you feel. Thankfully it has been long enough since I felt that way that I am starting to forget what it actually feels like, but I remember being there at one point.

Ultimately, you are going to have to make peace with who you are. The other alternative is to feel the way you do now for ever. It's not an easy proposition, to give up on a lot of those dreams you have and to accept a future different from the one you had envisioned. But it has to happen.

Being a BL may not be the kind of life you had envisioned, but once you come to terms with it, it's actually not a bad life at all. Our lives are just as filled with happiness, fun, and excitement as anyone else's. We can, and many of us do, live very fulfilling lives. They are different from what we thought we would live when we were younger, but isn't that true of everyone?