I wanted to add this to my list of advice, but it doesn't relate directly to my own experience so I didn't put it in my first post. I still think this is VERY important for married BLs.

If you choose not to come out to your wife make sure she doesn't catch you looking up boy pics (legal or otherwise) on the internet. I don't think there is any worse way for a spouse to find out you are a BL than to catch you with your hand in the cookie jar. If you are going to look up boy stuff online in your home then it's far better that you come out to her straight up than to let her find out indirectly because you left some lose end that she stumbles upon.... just my opinion.

Blessings
Cat.