In response to your question about volunteering, probably? I don't have a problem meeting people or anything like that, it's that I don't enjoy hanging out with people my age or older because I don't relate to them and I always feel like I am withholding myself.

When I am with a boy I like, I feel free to be my true self.

I saw a boy today that looked like my yf, who I love more than anything. It reminded me of my feelings for him, but specifically, how his physical beauty can be overwhelming. I don't mean that in a good way. My mind loves a beautiful boy in his physical perfection but the more physically attractive they are, the less brain power I have left over to appreciate his personality, who he really is. It's like all you can think about is how beautiful they are that you can't think about anything else, including who they really are.

Ultimately I want to love him his whole life, even when I have zero attraction to him sexually. When I look at old couples I think, there's no way they want to have sex with each other or find each other physically attractive. I know from personal experience, even with beautiful boys, they get boring after a while (to look at, not sleep with). I want to love my yf no matter if he is ugly, fat, bald, wrinkly, whatever.

I want us to remain best friends.