How far clinging on to this relationship will prevent your being who you should be? I don't know the scale of the problem for you, but stories such as that of Queen Victoria mourning for decades the death of Albert point up the danger: to remain so fixated on the past that we don't live in the present.

In her case the damage was to her family, who were forced to live in 'mourning' for that period. For a BL, I'm guessing the problem would be that you would not allow yourself to have the solid relationships with other boys that you could have. This would deprive you AND THEM of what would be good for you all.

'The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord'. There's a need for closure when things are over; otherwise we are stuck in unhealthy patterns.

Perhaps I'm over-reacting, and perhaps it won't work out like that. But it's what I'm hearing in what you are saying, and you did ask for advice!