it would be their faith that has been shaken.
It's not that way. My passion for God has been shaken, BY God Himself, thrown out, stepped on, and a lot of other on's I won't say here. It's my caring and devotion that have been destroyed. Ever since the day I have said "My way of life is wrong" which is... what I THOUGHT was supposed to happen.
So I avoided sex with other guys my age, which I SO would have love to have, but for what?

If I died today, I would go to heaven. Because God forgot to say "oh, well you have to put some effort into this" but rather he said simply knowing of His real living self is enough to have eternal life. And now that I think of it, what the heck was he thinking? People can seriously just get into heaven by the hair on their chinny chin chin? Seriously?

But maybe that's not so bad for me.
I honestly don't know what the hell God wants for me.
Maybe the whole 'no sex with men' thing is all bogus.
Maybe it's not.
But I'm miserable.
And I know it. HE knows it.
So what if, JUST what if I sought after a gay relationship?
I know I would be happy.
But then SOME people would say it's not happiness that's I'm feeling.
But really.... seriously.
Yeah. I would be.
Because I wouldn't be alone.
All I know is, I'm out of options, since the day I've tried to get away from all that - and do things "God's way" (I say it that way because God's way may be something we humans no NOTHING of) nothing has gone right.
I'm seriously considering SAFELY doing things my way for a change.

And all this to say, my sexual attractions is only one piece of the complicated shit puzzle that I am.