the problem with mental illness is that it's not visible, so people can't see that you are sick. Instead they assume all is well until it goes bang catastrophically. And you're in danger of going down that route - pretending to yourself that you can keep going until one day you can't. Which is FAR worse than looking for help now - which IMHO is what you desperately need to do. Get a doctor's appointment and a referral to somewhere that can decide what is going on: at best this will sort it out and provide reassurance that it isn't the big 'S'. At worst it will establish that it is schizophrenia but at least start to help you cope. But a big crash because you haven't addressed the issue has got to be the worst outcome...