you've found the right place to discuss those questions, because they're ones that many of us have faced over the years.

The first issue for you is to work at your other relationships; in my experience things go wrong with the boys in our life when we start to look to them to provide the friendships that we should be finding with adults. Do you have close friends who you spend quality time with? Do you have someone you pray with regularly? Do you have people you have fun with?

The second area to consider is how much time you are spending alone with a boy on his own. This is where things can really go badly wrong! The organisation that you work with probably has rules about this - be aware of what they are. Don't assume that boys won't make the first move sexually; it DOES happen - so put things in place that makes it unlikely. You appear not to have a specific 'Young Friend'(YF) at the moment - i.e. one particular boy that is extra special to you, not necessarily with any sort of sexual connotation. Think now about whether you want that to happen and how you would cope with it if it did. There's a good case for trying to avoid it - though sometimes it just happens; I suspect the ideal is to have a group who you are close to without one becoming especially attached to you.

Try to increase you Age of Attraction (AoA). Given the choice, look at pictures of older ones, rather than younger. I've had 9 yo YFs - and now the 'boys' who are the nearest to YFs in my life are 28 - mainly as a result of a group of 14yos who having arrived in my life and never left. Dealing with pictures that are pornographic to us - even if totally innocent to the rest of the world - is a big problem; the ideal I'm working towards is to try and share the experience with Jesus - and try to maintain an awareness of his presence with me when I'm on the computer.

Don't necessarily give up on your sense of call to youth ministry - we have the potential to be very effective in this because we really care about them. On the other hand we have the potential to be every pastor's nightmare. Developing real friendships, perhaps via this forum, where you are able to talk about the attractions you are feeling as things go forward might be helpful - certainly some of us spend time IMing each other having first met via this board.

But the main thing to take away from us is the realisation that you are not alone in what you are going through; people have thrived and lived a worthwhile life of service to God and others despite this attraction. There is hope for now - and there is hope in the long term because God has promised us eternal life with Him.