is of one former member of this board who told his 14yo YF how much he loved him. The boy freaked and told his parents who told the church with the result that the BL was outed and separated from his YF for ever. It also meant that his church leadership was aware of his issue - not too disasterously...

My feeling is that actually speaking out your love for your YF is generally a mistake; it doesn't particularly help your YF as he's likely to have a very good idea of the reality of the love you have for him, without your having to say so, on the basis of your behaviour. I think the only exception to this is where it is such a part of the culture of the family that he has grown up in that it isn't much of an issue. But the need to say anything must be very great; the temptation for us is to use such speaking out in an attempt to strengthen the relationship because it is so important to us - but for a YF it won't work like that, and we need to be aware of the fact.