I was thinking about this subject very recently.

I realise that there are three levels on which I relate to boys with deep affections:

1. Paternally. I am a father... but long before I ever was one, I wanted to be one. With all my kids and all my yfs over the years there has been a paternal affection. A desire to nurture and mentor and protect.

2. My inner child. I want to be a boy. I want it so much it hurts. I crave my childhood years, I wish I could be a boy among boy peers.

3. Romatically/Sexually. I desire a boy romantic/sexual companion and everything such a relationship could (hypothetically) involve.

I realise that I cannot separate these three affections with any degree of clarity. At any time in any relationship with a boy all three of these aspects will be operating at a lesser or greater degree. One day I'll see a boy and I'll desire to father him, another to sex him, another to romance him, another to be a boy along side him as a friend. Many times it a mixture of all these things.

Whilst I can't separate my affections into distinct zones... so that, for instance, I only paternally love a boy (with no sexual interest)... It does help me to know that not all the affection I feel for boys is sexually motivated. Often my strongest desire IS just to mentor or care for him in a paternal way for instance... and sex just seems... well... not an issue.

Blessings
Cat.