it makes pretty good sense.

TBH I'm a little ashamed of yesterday's 'performance'. I was going crazy, and it happens every few weeks or so when I just need to vent and tell everyone I feel terrible, then the next day I go "well, that was kinda overdone", even if it was 100% real.

Yes, I am a believer, but have trouble with the 'believing' part a lot. Just get so caught up in the messy feelings I forget how good God is to me in so many ways. I always want to do things myself. Gotta get Him back in the mix.

I'm gonna start trying to think of time in the manner you described. It's really outside my experience but sounds right. The part about grieving in the present for something you know is gonna end hit the spot, (I'd mostly forgotten by now) but I actually started doing it waay before I moved away from my YF, and it made being with him so blissful and painful at the same time.

thanks, man. Got stuff to think about!