This is all very interesting about the imago. Didn't really know it existed in psychology, and I really don't have a problem with nomenclature. I was wondering, though, if this is something that's formed in childhood and continues changing with time, or if it's case-dependent, or what.

I'm curious because, obviously, I've got it now, and it's based on the idealized perception of my YF. But I used to have quite a different imago before I knew him.

I mentioned briefly, some time ago, that when I first knew my YF I didn't really like him or pay any real attention to him. I had a very different idea of who 'perfect boy' would be, and it REALLY wasn't him. With time, I grew to love him (so gradually I didn't really know I did until the day I had the 'epiphany').

I like what you said about knowing the difference between a real relationship and the sort of mental, imagined one. This is what being with mt YF made me realize: that I didn't 'need' the previous imago. Here was a real boy, who sometimes made me really disappointed/annoyed/angry/worried/etc, who was human and unpredictable, but that was what made it so great for me, that at the end of the day I still (and would always) love him. The whole time I knew him I tried to keep the relationship as real as possible, even having to 'send him home', so to speak, when he got excessive (oh, did he!) or getting away from him myself when he was getting out of hand.

I guess the problem started when I found out I was moving away. I didn't know how to handle the loss that would inevitably come, so I sort of 'canonized' everything associated with him (including songs, scents, foods (don't get me started on apples!!), etc.). It makes it much worse that he's a teenager now and he's turned into the kind of person I really dislike. It isn't just me, either. I chat to a mutual friend of ours once in a while, and we almost always end up talking about how much he's changed for the worse and how sad we are about it. I dunno, but I feel slightly responsible for that because I had to leave (I know it wasn't my fault, but still) and I couldn't be there for him anymore. His home environment was/is rather negative and difficult, and I always felt (even my mom told me once) that I was helping him become a better person, being a father figure and all that. It may have something to do to the contribution of this imago, that 'I couldn't save him' and the person I knew and loved so much is 'gone' more than figuratively. Like when someone close to you dies and afterward you only remember what was good about them, and even remember their bad qualities through rose-colored glasses.

I hope the next special person I meet (if ever) makes me love him/her for who they are, and not because they resemble the imago. That's why I haven't allowed myself to have anyone important in my life after my YF. I haven't found anyone I feel I can love fully yet. I guess the wound is still too fresh (even after 3 yrs), I don't think it would be fair to this new person.

The question is: do I REALLY need to let it heal completely? Will it ever? Or am I just missing out on potentially great experience(s)?