Common sense is not to risk harming a boy for life and leave any fathering to normal men - and by the way normal men are not attracted to young girls.

bigcalv,

Like you, I tend to be very conservative on BL matters. I believe there should be ABSOLUTELY ZERO sexual (or romantic) contact between a man and a boy. But I disagree on your view here.

Prior to having a YF in my life (which started about 6 months ago), though I didn't really have anything against the idea (unless it involved sexual contact!), I didn't really think it was "for me". That was until God put a YF in my life. Now I know it was TOTALLY a "God thing". I can see so clearly how God has been using me to encourage and build up this young man in his faith and in good character, and I KNOW I am making a difference. I also clearly see how God has been using him in my life to grow me and bring me into greater freedom.

A few comments:

- As to "risking harming a boy for life": Obviously, if a BL is convinced he could be a risk to a boy then, absolutely, he should stay away. But one thing I have discovered for myself is that, though I am attracted sexually to boys, the attractions "from a distance" are actually greater than when I am "in relationship". Even when I am NOT in a relationship with a boy, I know I would not do anything sexual with one. But when I AM in a relationship, it becomes even less of an issue. As I have come to know my YF as a person, my love for him has become so strong that it completely dwarfs the sexual attraction I have for him. I would literally "take a bullet" for him. The thought of hurting him in ANY WAY is so horrible a thought, that I know I COULD NEVER and WOULD NEVER be sexual with him. It's just not an issue.

- God wants us to be in relationship. God wants us to love others. Not just because it feels good to be in such relationships, but because, through such relationships, he can work on shaving off our rough edges. Marriage is difficult (or so I hear :-) because you have two people who are, in many ways, different, and that can cause conflict. Though I know that a AF/YF relationship is NOT A MARRIAGE, and never will be, it is a relationship, and it involves sacrifice and change. When you love someone, it is going to change you. I will probably never get married, but I know that God still wants to work on my life in relational areas, because He is all about growing me and molding my character. I KNOW that, in the few short months I have known my YF, I have changed A LOT (for the better). My heart has really been opened up in so many ways. And it's a GOD THING! It may seem like the right and Godly thing to stay away from boys altogether -- and maybe for you it is! -- but, in a way, doing so may also be preventing God from working in your life in relational ways. There may be aspects of you that He wants to change, but He never gets a chance, because you're not allowing yourself to be in a relationship where you might actually love someone deeply enough to welcome such change.

- I will echo what others have said about the positive effect of a (NON-sexual!) AF/YF relationship. Does it make any difference to consider it as mentoring? Because, for me, that's essentially what it is. [I am not "romantic" in any way with a YF.] I KNOW it is making a positive difference in my YFs life, because, for one thing, it is something he initiated. I got to spend a few hours with him one day -- basically a "once off" thing -- and by the end of the time together he had come right out and asked me if I would mentor him. There was a definite hunger to spend time with me. Young men and boys need that from adult men in order to grow up to be healthy, well-adjusted men themselves, and yet most men don't give them the time of day. If I, as a BL, can help to meet that need, and know that I won't allow it to become sexual, who cares if I have some underlying sexual attraction. It's the actions and the end result that matter. The end result is that a young man has an adult male who cares about him deeply, is helping him to make good decisions, is affirming to him that he is valued as a man, is helping him to grow in his faith, and so on. And, through it all, God is helping me to grow as I sacrifice and make myself vulnerable "in relationship". It's win-win!

- As for "leave any fathering to normal men": Nobody's "normal"! We all have issues. And, like BLs, "normal" guys hide their faults, too. And, you may not have noticed, but much of what passes for "fathering" these days is rather pathetic. Not only do many fathers hopefully fail in their role as fathers, most "normal" men just don't have a heart to care deeply for boys outside of their own immediate families (if even that). And that's really sad, because there are so many boys in serious need of healthy time, attention, and encouragement from a caring adult.

Blessings,
Rainboy